Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Things I learned while going through an extremely difficult time in my life

This has been the hardest time of my life. I graduated law school a semester early and my plan was to take the bar exam in February, so that I could get it over with and move on, and not have to take it over the summer in Ramadan while a few other time-consuming, fun things would be going on in my life. However, I was completely exhausted from a busy semester of school, the Chiberia weather was getting to me and causing seasonal depression and anxiety, and I was just not doing well. I think I had just reached my threshold of how much I could handle, and I needed a break, and didn't have the energy that it took at this point to go through the intense process of the bar exam.  I considered switching it to the later date but felt bad about it - I felt like I should have just been able to overcome anything and taken it. I felt guilty. I wanted to stick to my plan that I had drawn out so thoroughly and carefully, and I started feeling anxiety about having to study later while everything else was going on in my life. Here are a few things I learned during the process.

  • We are our own worst enemy. We are our own biggest critic. We are harder on ourselves than others, and sometimes we need to give ourselves a break.
  • Balance of life comes first, before anything. Health and happiness come first, then everything else. Everything else can wait. 
  • In the grand scheme of things, most things won't matter. We can't take everything so seriously, because it's just life. 
  • Everyone has a threshold. There's only so much you can handle, and at some point even the most calm and collected people just fall. And sometimes it's okay to spend some time just relaxing before getting back up. 
  • Sometimes our plan may not be the best plan. God is the best of planners.
  • And finally: everything happens for a reason. We just have to trust that hindsight is 20/20 and sometimes things will make sense later. 

1 comment:

  1. Salaam sis Kinza!

    1. Congratulations/mubarak ho on finishing law school, that's an amazing accomplishment! *Virtual high fives* Super proud of you as a fellow Muslim.

    2. Though I don't know you personally, I can tell that you are a driven individual and you wouldn't have gotten this far, along with Allah's Blessings and Grace, without that hard work that you put in to graduate early.

    I'm no stranger the having that pressure from both within and from loved ones, about finishing on time or getting things done that you had planned for the long term. Yet, of course, sometimes it takes these difficult times, often during our academic lives, to realize that maybe we should take things a bit slower, especially when it's affecting our mental and physical health.

    Honestly, I wish in general, that it didn't take such instances for us and even our loved ones to realize sometimes, things need more time - even though we all want success or whatever plans we have to come now, our du'as answered now/ASAP, but as you mentioned (and we need this reminder often, no matter who we are) that Allah's Plan is the best Plan, even if we or our parents don't understand it or even want it that way. I speak from personal experience - I applied for residency this cycle, but was a bit late, but my Amma was still hoping, as I was I, that something might work out (still a super small chance, but I'm not betting on it) in the short-term, rather than waiting til September for the process to start again and losing another year.

    While I too want to move forward, I know that maybe, concerning both the academic and personal aspects of my life, that there is something good or even better Planned, than what we (myself, my extended family, not just my Amma lol) have in mind for me.

    Wallahi, i was thinking about you the other day, that I hadn't seen tweets or Instagram posts from you in a long while, but of course, I know you were in your final year and that you were busy. It's nice to hear from you, but of course I'm sorry things have been difficult lately. I can only imagine the effects the weather there, your work load as you finished school, had on you - sounds like too much for sure, but I admire the effort it must have taken.

    In the end, if you've learned the things you listed, it is worth having gone through what you did I rather than learning this later in life perhaps. Insha'allah, take good care of yourself in all aspects, recover and get all the support you need as you prepare for the bar exam and beyond.

    Du'as and best wishes always,
    Br. Anees