Saturday, November 26, 2011

Lose control

We are in no control over anything sometimes. When people are depressed, the feeling that creates the depression is "losing control" over life. Sometimes shit happens to us so that we can realize that we cannot rely on people, but must rely on God. It's not fair, the craziest things happen to us when we're at our "low" phases in faith. Maybe there's a reason for that, I mean, there's a reason for everything, right?

Taking breaks from the world and having a couple of weeks of depression are okay sometimes, I guess, I think, I hope. Maybe to focus on yourself. To do those things that you do when there's too much emotion to express - like dance, run, or paint. Emotion is what drives people to do artistic things. If there's no room for artistic expression people turn to things like drugs. There have been events recently in my life where I have realized why people do drugs and why I can't blame them. It's because there's no outlet. People produce their best work when they have emotion driving them. My poems from middle school were amazing. I read them later and I'm surprised that I wrote them. Sounds like a different person. Because the person I was when I wrote those poems was a different person inside of me that's no longer there, that I am no longer trapped with, because I let her free by expressing her, getting her onto paper, away from me. We are the confinement of our own emotions. By holding onto negative emotions, we trap ourselves. We have to express ourselves. Everyone is either expressive or depressed. THe people who are not obviously expressive are expressive in some other way. They either think their emotions out, or they talk to that one person, or they paint, or read, or write, or draw, or work out. Somehow, in some way, they get their emotions out of their system. If you don't, then you're confined and trapped by your own emotions.

I should've studied psychology.
Maybe I will if I fail law school, which looks possible right now. Can't focus or get anything done, because I'm too confined, my head is cloudy, my heart just straight up hurts. Ever feel so down that your heart actually, physically hurts? Interesting feeling it is.

I guess it's okay to feel negative emotions. Because negatives in this world are balanced out by positives. Even if the positives don't show on the media, in the news, on TV, etc. But I strongly believe that there's a balance in this world.

Even in the Qur'an, it reassures us: "Verily, after hardship comes ease." - For every hardship, there is ease. There is balance in this world. For every frown there is a smile. For every tear there is a laugh. For every divorce there is a marriage, for every heart broken there is a heart stolen. For every death there is a birth, and for every birth there is a death.


  1. When I was in music school, I was a diligent student. I asked my instructors why there were times where I'd hit a plateau and for a week or two, felt like I wasn't making progress and wondered why all of a sudden I'd hit a spot where I reached a new level and everything clicked and everything was easy.

    A couple of my teachers told me, that time where you made progress and everything was easy? The real progress was being made when you were working hard and felt like you were going nowhere.

    What a revelation!

    Clear your head and focus back on your studies!

  2. Don't think abt it too much. I knw its easier said than done but focus on the bigger picture, get your stuff done and then relax during your break. I've been in the same position you have been in and I knw it sucks. What I did was count all the small blessings in my life and after awhile they added up to a lot.

  3. Thank you :) now that I got that out, i felt better. I was a victim of the same thing that I talked about in this entire post. Confined & now free =)